|
PeeJayrocks
|
read my profile
sign my guestbook
Name: Paula
Country: United States
State: Oklahoma
Metro: Stillwater
Birthday: 7/24/1981
Gender: Female
Interests: See above...Basically anything or person international,especially China, anything outside, knitting, baking, cleaning, becoming the help meet for my husband that God has called me to be.
Expertise: Children are so my expertise now! I have numerous "date" nights with my girls Katie (5) Emily (4) and Hannah (2), Sarah Jane (2 months) Mom and Dad get a date alone while I get to have fun and play play play! I also like to think I am an expert in cooking. I love learning new things and making my own inventions when it comes to cooking.
Occupation: Education/training
Industry: Other
Message: message meEmail: email me
AIM:  UzbekPJ
Yahoo:  PaulaJean99
Member Since:
11/9/2004
|
|
|
though my sin was like scarlet, it is now white as
snow. Last week I got a new tattoo. It is freedom in Japanese. This word freedom means the world to me. It is freedom from my old life, old junk, and
old sinful snares. My last year of this
life has had its many trials, failures, rebellions, hurts, overcomings,
etc. But it was good. I made it through and God has placed me in a
stable place where I am free. I can't
nor will I ever go back to that life.
Currently each day is a fight. I
look and see a liquor store. I would
love to stop in and get stuff to make me numb so I don't have to feel hurt and
cry over the loss of Mason, but I can't go back to being numb. I won't nor do I want to be numb. Numbness is not a way of true escape. So even in the hurt, I am still free. I know we will make it through this. I'm in Tulsa
this weekend and in the car, I talk with God.
I tell him I'm sorry for being pissed at him, but I don't
understand. And it's okay. David I'm sure cussed out God at times of
frustration. I'm sure most people of
faith have. And that's okay. I'm tired of the stereotype and stipulations
"Christians" put on each other.
You need to be happy! Praise God
for this trial! If you had enough faith,
God would heal you and you would not die.
It's all a bunch of crap. I don't
want you to tell me that it will get better.
I don't want you to speak at all.
Just be my friend. Hold me when I
cry. Wipe away my tears. Just sit with me in the silence and not say
anything. I like the silence. Don't fill it up with your empty words. Sit with me and hold me like God is holding
me. That's all I want. Silence.
| | |
| Update
So here is an update
on life...my dad is feeling much better. Also, things are going really
well...I've started letting go of some things that I needed to get rid
of a long time ago...It's time to move on. Right now I am sitting here
at ihop, studying (well I was  ).
Last night was amazing!
God really broke me down. He broke me. I talked to Cale for the first
time in like three weeks...Basically I just pulled away from everyone
so I could figure out some things...I've made a lot of dumb mistakes
lately, but those mistakes do not define who I am. My talk with Cale
was good...just being able to express in words for the first time in a
month of what I was feeling, what I have gone through, what my life is
like...it was good. Freeing even!
Then rob and I talked. He
prayed over me and I cried for the first time in a while...Its amazing
how sometimes rivers come down after being dry for so long. Then he
just held me and comforted me...Which was a huge step too. Touch is my
love language, but when I pull away from people, that is the thing I
want the least...So when he held me, it was like God just holding me
and hugging me...I needed that more than anything.
So at
last, I am still on this crazy journey of rediscovery, but instead of
being miserable like before, I am content and okay with things...So
yeah, that's my update for now. Healing is coming. But the scar
tissue had to be ripped open so it could heal properly. It hurt, but
alas it is good. Life overall is good. | | |
| Important!!!
For those of you at OSU who love internationals, This wed on library lawn from 11 am-2 pm is the international student organization annual expo...So if you want to make some contacts, go there, talk to someone about their country, ask for their personal info, give them yours, and become friends with them and share Christ. Pass on this info to people you know who would use it...
love in Christ,
PJ
| | |
| So yeah...life is grand..besides health issues, life is freaking amazing! God just continually blesses my socks off! Went home last night and today my mom and I went to pick out countertops for their new kitchen that is being built...lots of fun!
Oh, and here's a pic...I am going to title it "Aint it good to be home!
(He was long! Wish I had placed a boot or something so you could get the idea...)
Also had dinner with an amazing man of God tonight...He was a total encouragement! It's so exciting to be around others who are on fire for the Lord and missions! If I can, I am going to go to a house church with him in Hominy Saturday night...I love how God's network works! You know...how you know someone who leads you to someone, who leads you to another...God knows exactly how to order my steps so I can say something to someone who needs that word, and the same to me! I also love how within the body of Christ, you can be friends with the same people and not even know it until someone mentions their name and you are like "That's my boy!" Well, you know what I mean right :) Anyways...gotta get sleep cuz I get to meet an old friend for breakfast at 6 am...love you all!
Question: What is God doing in your life right now? I would love to hear about it!
| | |
| God is amazing! Last night as I was driving home he gave me a vision. It was me explaining to a friend what was going on...We were looking at my family's farm (dad's land and the Speakman farm). I was explaining what God was doing and how he had told me to anoint the gate posts and each corner of the land. Then I was to prayer walk each section of land every day for 7 days. In my vision I had done this and God had blessed it...we had the best winter wheat my father and uncle had ever seen! Then my dad asked me why since he had let me plant it and I told him it was because I had given to God...God blessed the wheat and the soil which it got its nutrients, then he gave it enough rain to help it grow and enough sunshine to bring it forth...because of that my dad asked me how he could be saved and I shared with him scripture and my dad became a christian...God not only braught forth a physical harvest but a spiritual harvest...
Well, today my dad and I were working up at their house and I asked him how the wheat was coming and he said not at all...because they haven't had rain...it rained all around but not in osage where they live...He said the pond was almost gone...and we had a huge pond. So I asked him if I could take off for a while, borrow his truck and anoint the posts with oil and pray over the land...he told me sure which is soooo unlike him! He has never let me driven his new truck...I normally had to beg him to let me drive his old one...but he looked at me and said ok. SWEET!!! So I did!!! And it was amazing...God braught tears to my eyes as I heard a song by Jason Aldean called Amarillo sky...but anyways...I got to share with our land neighbors too about why I was up there...and as I left to come back to stillwater my dad asked me when I thought it would rain and I look at the sky and there were dark clouds...and I said in faith in a couple of days...So please pray for our land too!
Anyways, I am really excited to help out building fences and getting the land ready for some cattle! I have never felt like this before and I am so excited that God is blessing me and my family! My parents baught me some nice work boots and a really cute shirt to wear when I go dancing!
Well, I got to get ready for sleep...so please pray and I love you all dearly!!!
He gets up before the dawn
Packs a lunch and a thermos full of coffee
It's another day in the dusty haze
Those burnin' rays are wearing down his body
And diesel's worth the price of gold
And it's the cheapest grain he's ever sold
But he's still holding on
CHORUS
He just takes the tractor another round
And pulls the plow across the ground
And sends up another prayer
He says Lord I never complain I never ask why
But please don't let my dream run dry
Underneath, Underneath this
Amarillo sky
That hail storm back in '83
Sure did take a toll on his family
But he stayed strong and carried on
Just like his dad and grandad did before him
On his knees every night he prays
Please let my crops and children grow
Cause that's all he's ever known
CHORUS
He just takes the tractor another round
And pulls the plow across the ground
And sends up another prayer
He says Lord I never complain I never ask why
But please don't let my dream run dry
Underneath, Underneath this
Amarillo sky
And he takes the tractor another round
Another round, another round
And he takes the tractor another round
Another round
He says I never complain I never ask why
But please don't let my dreams run dry
Underneath, underneath this
Amarillo Sky
Underneath this
Amarillo sky
| | |
|
